Study 4 ways good people make bad first impressions

Study 4 ways good people make bad first impressionsStudy 4 ways good people make bad first impressionsWe know that managingur public self-image is critical to our careers, but too often the expectation of how we sound in our heads does not meet reality.A new study in theSocial and Personality Psychology Compass foundthat our biggest enemy in making a good impression is ourselves. We talk about our accomplishments and skills, not realizing that our attempt to give a favorable impression is backfiring. Instead of sounding competent and on top of things, we sound like obnoxious braggarts.Researchers discovered that narcissism and a failure to account for the perspective of others werethe repeated threads in our self-sabotaging presentation tactics. The worst part is that many of us can make these mistakes without ever realizing whats making people back away.In oneexperiment, participants were asked to speculate on what other people thought about their success story. What the participant s thought went amazingly well, the bystanders were lukewarm on.How to explain the divide? Its all in the delivery. Where the participants wanted to play up how magical and unique their talent is, the people listening to the stories wanted the hard work stories participantstold them to be relatable. They enjoyed the storiesabout how much time and effort went into our success more than the ones wherewe said it all came to us naturally. Put another way, people would rather hear about your guts than your glory.What the testshowed is that we can fail to take the perspective of others, at expense to ourselves. Worse, we dont even realize were doing it, since at the time were too self-involved in our own stories. Here are four tactics to avoid so you dont come off as an arrogant jerk.1) HumblebraggingWe place such a high value on sincerity that we prefer outright braggers to humblebraggers, researchers found.Humblebraggers think talking about how they are such a hot mess who somehow manage d to succeed makes them sound endearing. But disguising your accomplishments in a complaint or with humility makes you sound insincere everyone knows the punchline of your story is how amazing you are.Its better to not conceal your intent, because when we see through an anecdote to its agenda, we react more negatively.Perceived insincerity is so critical for actors interpartieal appeal that humblebragging is less effective than simply complaining or bragging, researchers said. That is, both complainers and straightforward braggers are regarded as more sincere and thus more likablethan humblebraggers.2) Backhanded complimentsBackhanded compliments appear fine on the surface until you hear the ulterior motives underneath. The example researchers gave was telling someone they are smart for an intern.You may think this sounds like a compliment, but recipients will hear it as a strategic put-down to remind them of their place and of your superior status.Known for being manipulative, narc issists frequently deploy these compliments to maintain superiority in the workplace, unwilling or unable to account for the feelings and perspective of others.If you want to have a good laugh about this technique at its worst, read The Underminer The Best Friend Who Casually Ruins Your Life.The book shares the monologue of that terrible person who always asks, have you lost weight? You look so different SO much betterAs Lisa Zeidner once wrote of this technique, You cant escape this viper. Even if you sell all your belongings and move to New Zealand, youll bump into each other, get some fresh piece of bad news and be reminded of every failure in your past.No wonder people dont like this behavior.3) HypocrisyHypocrites can actually skate by in public settings, using their self-enhancing lies to get ahead in the workplace. But the jig is up when people notice that they cant back up what they boast.Researchers found that we will judge hypocrites more harshly than individuals who did t he same behavior- because we detest lying so much. So think twice before you decide to exaggerate your previous role its very likely that no one is fooled - or fooled for long.How to avoid hypocrisy? Keep your word, and back up what you brag about.4) HubrisWe dont react well to success stories that depend on putting someone else down. In an experiment, researchers had observers listen to an actors self-aggrandizing claims.Statements that made social comparisons like I am a better person to be friends with than others turned us off more than non-comparisonclaims likeI am a good person to be friends with.This reaction is not because we believe in a fair and just world where everyone deserves equal treatment. Researchers believed that our reactions are a selfish, self-defense mechanism against the threat that the person with low opinions of others may have a low opinion of us.Observers disfavor the actor for self-protective purposesas they are threatened by the actors unfavorable view of them or gloomy perspective on their future- a state that sparks antagonism or hostility, researchers said.